
Wow. Just wow.
Guys, it’s been so long since I’ve actually given you all an insight post into my life.
So let me fix that for you!
<3
It’s amazing how one incident—one stupid, painful, absolutely depressing, horrific, rip-my-heart out happening— has actually done me a world of good.
I used to have this friend. Her name…is not important, at least, not to you all here. Some of you know her, and that’s okay. There are times when I wish I still did, but they’re fading, much to her approval (or what I can only assume would be approval, since I’m rather sure she hates me for who knows why).
I don’t have this friend anymore. She stabbed me in the face a thousand times, then ripped out my heart and crushed it into fine powder then shoved the tiny pieces of my body into a storm drain pushed me away, and demanded that I never speak to her again. She even went so far as to get her mother involved when I tried to apologize for I still don’t know what.
It hurt.
So badly.
So.
So.
Badly.
And it still hurts a lot. You know, when I have the time to just sit around and think on it. But I think the only reason it hurts is because of the way things ended. She just….snapped and severed everything. But I think she’s doing okay now. Even if I have no way of knowing, I think she’s living just fine. <3
ANYWAY.
Though it still hurts when I have too much time on my hands, it’s gotten SO much better. And the further and further I get from the memories we shared, the better I feel about things. She needed away from me and I definitely needed away from her. I knew we would have to go separate ways one day, because our maturity/experience levels were in completely different spectrums. I just didn’t think it would go so badly. ^^;
I’ve grown so much. I know exactly where I stand on a lot of issues now, that when I was in contact with her, I was slightly wavy on. I mean, I always knew where I stood; I just couldn’t ever say anything about it in fear of messing something up—though for most of our friendship, I didn’t hold anything back. NOW I can honestly tell you at this moment exactly how I stand on the homosexuality issue and on most politics. I can pull verses and speak my mind and not have to be ‘sensitive’ around her because I might hurt her feelings and cause a blowup (which CLEARLY I have already fully succeeded in, though I still don’t have a clue as to why~). The fact that she won’t bother to read this is one of the full reasons I’m posting it. I can’t hurt her, and she can’t hurt me more than she already has.
I’ve got a RAGING, WONDERFUL~ social life (which, I’m hoping she does too? I don’t know. haha! It seems silly for me to wish all this goodness on her when she won’t even speak to me) that keeps me busy almost the entire day. I have a great job and I’m making new connections every day! <3 Who knows, I might even make it to broadway one day.
Sure, I miss the stories that we created, and the jokes that we shared. But I’m finding more and more that I can create my own stories and since I’m away from my computer more now, the stories are bigger, more colorful. The jokes… well, they’ll never be forgotten, but I have other friends to make jokes with. I haven’t just shriveled up and died. I really hope she hasn’t either. I’m not expecting her to at all, now that I know for sure that my beginning of school plan worked. Amazing how hurt can make things so much greater, even if it ruins one small thing.
That’s what has me astounded; I’m amazed at God’s planning in all of this. The swearing, the support of sin, the uncertainty and fear… He’s separated me from all of it, by cutting me off from someone I thought I couldn’t get along without. Though it hurt, I’m healing from it, and starting to understand that it had to be done. He’s my everything, and I’d trade anyone for that…even a really close friend that I used to know.
That is one major flaw though: As much as I love ‘Someone That I Used to Know’ by Gotye, I can barely listen to it without my heart hurting. It just fits our ‘used-to-be’ friendship so well. Still, it’s one of my favorite songs, lately. «Random
Needless to say, after a lot of tears (and by a lot, I mean more than I think I’ve cried in years…and I mean, years) and a lot of asking why, I’m finally getting there and things are so much better than they have been. :)
I’m I writing all this to say that I never want to speak to her again? No, not at all. I’ll always be there for her if she ever needs anything, and I mean anything at all. I’ve told her that many times. I doubt our paths will ever cross again, but if they do, I”ll see her with a smile, knowing that it was all for the better.
<3
Thank you guys for taking the time to read through this. I know it’s a lot, but I needed some closure (even if all of this happened WEEKS ago and I’m just now getting to it).
Love you guys!!!
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My dog tree finally started to grow
Tamaki, can we do this with Antoinette? …Please?
(Source: kristenmaibs)
(Source: daniallyssa)
Holding hands may seem like an innocent gesture, but they show more than a simple interlocking of fingers. Your hands are one of the most essential parts of your body: you build with them, feed with them, hold with them, touch with them, fight with them; they are the tools of the human body. To take a hold of another’s hand is to break from living individually. It is to link yourself to another being, to momentarily entwine your life with another’s, to promise, for a moment, that you need not face the world alone. More simple, more aesthetically naive than other forms of affection, the act of holding hands is often trivialised in its true implications. As the Beatles once said: ”I want to hold your hand”.
so true and beautifully written
(Source: ellie-bartowski, via judgefreelife)
I searched for this video for WEEKS just so I could put it on my tumblr. :) Saw it a few years ago and hadn’t forgot about it…I just couldn’t find it! I want this kind of romance… <3
(Source: vampiresofmysticfalls)